You Can Move Abroad… And It Gets Weird Sometimes

Jara Bender
Jan 25
4 min read

(An Honest, Slightly Funny Guide to Expat Life, Culture Shock, and Staying Sane)

So you did it.

You sold the furniture.

You packed the suitcases.

You boarded the plane with a carefully curated vision of your new life.

There would be charming cafés.

Walkable streets.

A slower pace.

Possibly a glow-up.

And honestly? Some of that part is real.

But here’s the part people don’t always say out loud:

Moving abroad doesn’t magically erase your stress, anxiety, relationship patterns, or emotional baggage.

It just gives them a new zip code. Sometimes a new language. Occasionally a new bureaucracy.

The Logistics Are Only the Beginning

Before you even arrive, you’ve probably dealt with:

Visas and paperwork that feel intentionally confusing
Government offices that close for lunch (and sometimes for reasons unknown)
Banking systems that don’t work like home
Housing searches that test your patience and your blood pressure

There’s a lot of “Why is this so hard?” energy at the beginning — and that’s before culture shock even shows up.

If you’ve ever thought, “I am a competent adult, why can’t I figure this out?”

Congratulations. You’re officially an expat.

Culture Shock Is Sneaky (and Not a Personal Failure)

Most people expect culture shock to be dramatic. In reality, it’s subtle:

Feeling oddly irritated by small things
Missing familiar routines you didn’t know you loved
Feeling capable one day and completely overwhelmed the next

You might love where you live and still feel disoriented.

You might feel grateful and homesick in the same afternoon.

That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.

It means your nervous system is adjusting.

Finding Community Abroad (Without Making It Weird)

Let’s talk about the big one: people.

Finding community abroad can feel like dating again — awkward, mildly exhausting, and occasionally disappointing. A few things that actually help:

Start With Activities, Not “Best Friend Energy”

Instead of asking, “Where will I meet my people?” try:

Walking groups
Language exchanges
Fitness or yoga classes
Book clubs or creative workshops

Shared activities lower the pressure and let connection grow naturally.

Helpful reminder: Give things 3–4 tries before deciding something “isn’t for you.” The first time is often just a warm-up round.

Be the One Who Follows Up

Many expats want connection but feel awkward initiating.

If someone says, “We should grab coffee sometime,” it’s okay to respond with:

“I’d actually love that — are you free this week?”

That’s not pushy. That’s efficient. And most people are relieved someone else took the lead.

Expect a Transitional Phase (and Don’t Panic)

Community usually comes in phases:

The honeymoon
The “Why do I feel lonely?” stage
The slow, steady sense of belonging

If you’re in the middle phase, nothing has gone wrong. You’re just still becoming rooted.

The Part No One Warns You About (But Should)

Here’s the honest truth, said gently:

If you struggled with anxiety, burnout, relationship issues, or emotional overwhelm before you moved…

those things usually move with you.

A new country can be beautiful and still stir up:

Old patterns
Emotional fatigue
Identity questions
A quiet “Who am I here?” moment

Moving abroad is a life transition. And transitions bring things to the surface — even the stuff we hoped stayed packed.

Self-Care That Actually Works Abroad

Self-care doesn’t need to be elaborate or Instagram-worthy.

Create One Familiar Anchor

Choose one thing that stays consistent:

Morning coffee ritual
Same walking route
Same playlist while cooking
Weekly call with someone back home

Your brain loves predictability. One anchor can make everything feel more manageable.

Give Yourself Permission to Miss Home and Love Where You Live

You can:

Miss Target and love local markets
Miss your old friends and be excited about new ones
Miss the ease of your old life and want to stay

These are not contradictions. They’re signs of emotional flexibility.

Simple Anti-Stress Tools for Expat Life

When stress spikes abroad, it’s often about loss of control + unfamiliar systems.

Name It to Tame It

Quietly label what’s happening:

“This is culture shock.”
“This is nervous system overload.”
“This is frustration, not danger.”

Naming it helps your brain shift from panic to problem-solving.

The 90-Second Reset (No One Notices)

Perfect for banks, government offices, or confusing appointments:

Plant both feet on the ground
Inhale slowly through your nose
Exhale longer than you inhale
Name five things you can see

Your body settles first — your thoughts usually follow.

Stop Asking “Shouldn’t I Be Happier?”

This question quietly creates shame.

Instead try:

“What’s hard about this right now?”
“What support would make this feel lighter?”

Living abroad is exciting and demanding. Both deserve space.

A Gentle, Honest Closing

Living abroad can be expansive and fulfilling — and still emotionally demanding. Needing support doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision. It means you’re human and adjusting to real change.

Whether or not you ever reach out for therapy, I hope this blog helped normalize the ups and downs of expat life and gave you a few tools to feel steadier, more connected, and a little kinder to yourself along the way.

You’re allowed to love your new life and admit that parts of it are hard. Both can exist.

www.thetherapistaz.com jara@thetherapistaz.com +34 625 600 614