So… How Do You Actually Make Friends Abroad?
- Jara Bender
- Feb 2
- 2 min read
A Practical Guide for Adults Who Feel Awkward
You’ve accepted the truth:You need people.Not just sunshine. Not just tapas. People.
Now comes the harder part: starting conversations, making real connections, and doing it with humans from wildly different cultures — without overthinking yourself into paralysis.
Let’s break it down.
Step 1: Start Conversations Like a Human, Not a LinkedIn Profile
You do not need a perfect opener. You need a real one.
Try:
“Is this your first time here?”
“How long have you lived in Málaga?”
“What brought you here?”
“I keep ordering the same thing — what should I try instead?”
That’s it. No charisma seminar required.
People abroad are usually:
Open
Curious
Also looking for connection
You’re not interrupting. You’re participating.
Step 2: Stop Waiting to Feel Confident First
Confidence comes after repetition, not before it.
You will feel:
Awkward
Unsure
Like you talked too much or too little
That’s normal.Connection happens through discomfort, not around it.
Go anyway. Speak anyway. Follow up anyway.
Step 3: Cultural Differences Are Not Rejection
This one matters.
International friendships don’t follow one rulebook.
Some people:
Don’t text back quickly
Don’t plan far in advance
Are warm in person but quiet online
Take longer to open up emotionally
This doesn’t mean:
They don’t like you
You did something wrong
You shouldn’t try again
It means different cultural wiring.
Assume curiosity, not rejection.
Step 4: Yes, You’re Allowed to Follow Up
Read this twice:
Following up is not desperate. It’s how adult friendships happen.
Try:
“I enjoyed our conversation — want to grab coffee this week?”
“I’m going back to that class on Thursday if you want to join.”
“I’ll be at the beach walk Sunday morning — feel free to come.”
If they say no?Okay. Move on.
If they don’t respond?Also okay. Move on.
Rejection is information, not a verdict on your worth.
Step 5: Build Familiarity, Not Instant Intimacy
You don’t need a best friend right away.
You’re looking for:
Familiar faces
Low-pressure plans
Repeated interactions
Friendship builds faster when:
You go to the same places
You show up regularly
You let things unfold naturally
Depth comes later.
Step 6: Be the Connector (Even If It’s Uncomfortable)
This is a secret weapon.
Invite:
Two people who don’t know each other
A small group walk
Coffee after a class
Most people are grateful someone else took the initiative.
Being the connector doesn’t mean you’re “trying too hard.”It means you’re brave.
Step 7: Give It Time (And Give Yourself Grace)
You didn’t build your old friendships overnight. You won’t build these overnight either.
Living abroad asks more of you:
Emotionally
Socially
Nervously
That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means you’re doing something brave.
And If You Want Support Along the Way…
If you’re living abroad and finding the social side harder than expected — you’re not failing. You’re adjusting.
I’m Jara Bender, a licensed (in Arizona) psychotherapist and fellow expat who works with other expats navigating:
Loneliness and connection
Cultural adjustment
Identity shifts
Relationships abroad
📞 Phone: 625 600 614
📧 Email: info@thetherapistaz.com
🌐 Website: www.thetherapistaz.com
You don’t need to be fearless. You just need to keep showing up.
Connection follows.
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