"It's Not You, It's My Hormones (Okay… It's Also You)"
- Jara Bender
- 4 days ago
- 2 min read
Hormones: The Invisible Puppeteers of Emotion
Hormones like estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone play a huge role in regulating mood, energy, and sexual desire. And unlike a thermostat, they do not stay in one place. They fluctuate:
Monthly during menstrual cycles
Yearly with aging
Hourly if Target is out of oat milk
Estrogen, for example, enhances serotonin—the “feel-good” chemical. Around ovulation, when estrogen peaks, many women feel more energetic, confident, and ready to rumble. Fast-forward to the premenstrual phase when estrogen drops like a bad ex—and suddenly you’re emotional, tired, and wondering why your partner chews like that.
📊 Stat Check: Research from the Cleveland Clinic shows that up to 85% of women experience at least one symptom of PMS, including mood swings, fatigue, and irritability. That’s not “crazy,” that’s common.
Why Is My Sex Drive on Airplane Mode?
There are a lot of reasons libido may take a nosedive:
Hormonal shifts (hi again, progesterone)
Stress, lack of sleep, body image issues
Antidepressants or birth control
Kids asking you deep existential questions at 9:30 p.m.
It’s not just “mental.” Testosterone—yes, women have it too—is directly linked to sexual desire, and it naturally decreases with age. In fact:
📊 Fact Drop: According to the North American Menopause Society, about 50% of women report a decline in sexual desire during perimenopause, typically beginning in the 40s.
Dear Husbands, Boyfriends, and Curious Humans: What You Should Know
This is not personal. If she’s distant, tired, or not in the mood, it’s not about you (unless it is—and in that case, you probably already know).
Don’t try to fix it. Offer a snack, not a solution.
Timing is everything. Ovulation = potential green light. PMS = approach with snacks and silence.
💬 Pro Tip: Asking, “How can I support you right now?” will get you way farther than, “You seem hormonal.”
What Women Can Do for Themselves
Track your cycle. Apps like Clue or Flo can help you identify when hormonal shifts are coming.
Communicate with your partner. “I’m in luteal phase. Give me snacks and 3 feet of space,” is perfectly acceptable.
Be kind to yourself. Hormonal shifts aren’t flaws—they’re signals. Your body is speaking; you don’t have to whisper back in shame.
Final Thoughts
Hormones are real. They’re complicated. And sometimes, they’re the reason you cry because your salad didn’t taste right.
But they’re also manageable—with awareness, self-compassion, good communication, and maybe a dark chocolate stash on hand.
So the next time someone says, “Are you okay?” you can confidently say:“Yes. I’m hormonal, not helpless.”
Let me know if you'd like a version tailored more toward perimenopause, postpartum, or partner education—it’s easy to expand this with specific sections.
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